It was a beautiful Sunday morning in Spring. This morning’s team consisted of myself,
Mel, Guru and a brand new staff named Candace, who, and I’m being as sensitive and as
politically correct as possible, was a fat dyke. She wore her opinions on her sleeve
and injected any conversation with her sexually and politically charged agenda.
Plus, she had terrible hygiene. When she did a sleepover, she didn’t
change the sheets. The next sleepover, Mel, would complain that
someone had eaten cheese in the staff bed. The first time I worked
with her, I walked into the house and asked her (after she had
gotten up) if she had cleaned the staff bathroom, as is the
sleepover’s job.
”Oh, yeah, I cleaned it.”
”Cool,” I said, and walked in to take a piss. I noticed that, in fact, nobody had cleaned
the bathroom and there were pubic hairs in the bathtub. Why would she lie about something like
that? When I came out, she said, “I’m gonna kick back in the staff office for a while since we
don’t get the kids up for an hour.”
This pissed me off forever. I walked over to Kyle’s room and announced, “If there is
anyone who needs to work off their work details so that they can go out on the outing this
morning, they had better get up and clean the staff bathroom, especially if their name is Kyle.”
Kyle walked out rubbing his eyes. “Yeah, Stokie? I’ll do it. I wanna go on the outing.”
”Great Kyle. Go knock on the staff office door and tell Candace that you need to clean
the office for work details. She’ll help you with the rest.”
Kyle banged on the office door until Candace opened it. “Hi Candace, I need to clean the
staff bathroom for work details. Can you supervise me?”
”But the staff bathroom is clean already,” said Candace.
Kyle took a look and said, “No it’s not!” He was laughing. He grabbed the 409 from
under the sink and sprayed it all over the sink, toilet and bathtub. He took a rag and wiped
everything spic and span. “See Candace? Now it’s clean. Easy as that.”
I yelled from the kitchen, “Thank you Kyle! Just another training session, that’s
all!”
”I hear that, Stokie. Place was humming!”
”Dude, sometimes you shine so bright. No more work details, thank you.”
She walked out and looked at me. “Do you have a beef with me?”
I said, “No, Candace, nothing me and Kyle can’t handle.”
I had heard that a kid had asked her the other day if she was gay.
”I’m not gay, I’m queer,” was her answer.
It was time to get the boys up, which on Sunday morning is not a big deal and can be done
in a very casual and slow manner. The staff were split up in different sections of the house
and were helping various boys hop to. Mel and I were having fun with Brian, who you remember
is not only conflicted about his own sexual orientation, but also comes from a household with
two moms. Brian wanted to get one of us staff to go out and buy him a bandana which he wanted
to wear on his head.
I told him, “Why don’t you go ask Mel if it’s more cool to wear it around your neck.
That’s the way Mel always wears it when he goes out.”
In a moment Brian returned and said to me, “Mel wants to know if you think I’d look better
in a bandana that is ‘cool blue’ or ‘flaming red.”
And so it went until Brian came back to me and asked, “Can a person be so fat
that their ass eats their underwear?”
”Brian, I don’t know how your brain is malfunctioning, but I need you to calm down.”
”Okay, Stokie, but I think Candace is wearing a Mercedes Benz sign on her ass.”
”What are you talking about, Brian?”
”Just look,” he said pointing to Candace, who was squatting
down to help Freddy, who didn’t need any help, tie his shoe.
Her jeans had sagged down to reveal her fat, pimply ass-crack
decorated with a string thong that resembled the Mercedes Benz sign.
I rolled my eyes and groaned.
Brian went on. “Not only that, but she’s flirting with me,
and I think that’s inappropriate. Every time I walk by, she shakes her tits
at me and I think she’s trying to make me get excited. Can you tell her that I’d
never want to have sex with her because she’s fat and ugly?”
”Brian, I can promise you that she’s not flirting with you. You’re completely fabricating
the whole thing. I tell you what, I will talk to her about…”
Just then I realized what Brian was talking about. Candace got up and turned around and
walked into the kitchen. As she did, her big, bra-less, pendulous tits shook all around the
house and into the hearts and minds of just about every resident in it. I wanted to strangle
her for being so naiive. Freddy got up and waved his hand by his nose, “Whoa! Her shit smells
like hamsters!”
”Brian, you may not have said it in the most appropriate way, but I know exactly what
you’re talking about and I am going to help you. I will talk to her right away and get her to
make a change, but what I need from you, right now, is to stay in your room until I can get her
to make the change. Can you do that?”
”Sure Stokie, no problem. Thanks for helping me. I hate it when big fat bitches shake
their tits at me and make me want to have sex with them. The last thing I’m gonna do is start
screaming, ‘GUACAMOLE!! GUACAMOLE!!”
It was too late. Brian had lost it. Much like ‘Whoa guy,’ ‘guacamole!’ was something
a kid would yell out to let everyone know that sex was in the air. Strangely, after yelling it,
Brian calmly walked back to his room and sat down on his bed.
However, it was enough to get the rest of the house really agitated; voices grew louder,
kids became less and less compliant, there was more irritation.
I needed to to talk to Candace immediately. But how? I was thinking that I couldn’t say,
‘Hey Candace, your floppy boobies are fucking with the kids’ minds.’ I was actually thinking
that she would try to bring a harassment suit against me or the agency if I tried to talk to her
myself, so I first called the Administrative Backup so I could get some support (and a witness)
that the confrontation was appropriate. Our Backup today was Mike, the Supervisor for
the house next door. I went to the staff office and called him.
”Mike, dude, I need some help. You know that new staff, Candace?”
”Biggums?” asked Mike.
”Yeah, well she showed up this morning without a bra…”
”Oh please don’t make me come over there, Stokie.”
”You gotta come over. The kids are getting all fucked up about it and I don’t want to
talk to her myself because I’m afraid she’ll sue the agency.”
”Good point. I’ll be right over.”
As Mike arrived, the boys were getting more and more agitated. When I walked out to
greet Mike, Francis was asking Candace, “Hey Canned Ass, do you drive a Mercedes? Hee!”
Candace was oblivious. “I use public transportation as much as possible.”
”Whoa, guy!” Francis ran back to his room.
Mike said, “Candace, we need to talk to you in private. Would you join us in the staff
office?” The three of us walked in and shut the door behind us.
I began, “Candace, I called Mike here so that I could have some Administrative support
when I tell you what I have to tell you. I didn’t want to confront you alone.”
”Confront me? There’s nothing to confront me about. What are you talking about?” She
put her hands on her waist which pulled her shirt tighter around her tits. I tried to maintain
eye contact and not wince. At the same time, I could hear yelling out on the floor.
”Well, the thing is, you’re not exactly dressed appropriately for the job. I mean, some
of these boys have been sexually abused and any hint of sexuality can set them off. I’m sure
you’ve read their case histories by now, right?”
”I was gonna read those on my free time. But I’m not dressed inappropriately. Since
when are jeans and a t-shirt inappropriate?”
”When you’re not wearing a bra, that’s when,” said Mike. “And you’re obviously not.”
”No I’m not,” said Candace. “And I can’t think of a better way to teach kids,
especially kids who’ve been abused, that the human body is beautiful. We’re all just people you know, and
the human body is a beautiful thing.”
”Not here it isn’t,” said Mike. “Here it’s a provacative set-up. You can’t be out on the
floor like that. Did you bring a bra?”
”No I didn’t. I didn’t think this was such a draconian, backward thinking organization.”
I heard Guru’s booming voice,”TIP THE HOUSE!”
”Mike, I gotta go out there and help out, it’s just the two of them out there. I’m sure
you can finish up without me.” I winked at him and he tried not to laugh.
when I came out of the staff office, I saw boys running everywhere. Guru was at the
Quiet Room door holding residents in while Mel was catching the out-of-control boys and bringing
them to Guru. My Sunday was ruined.
There were cat-calls of “Canned Ass!” “Whoa, guy!” and “Guacamole!” along with the usual
crotch grabbing and overt finger sucking. Where to start?
I went over to Brian and Rudy’s room and stood in their doorway so they couldn’t get out.
As far as I could see, Guru and Mel had about 6 boys over in the Quiet Room and there
were a few who had turned on the TV and were watching without any problem.
I saw Mel run out of the Quiet Room Area, catch one of the kids, Manuel, and walk him to
the Quiet Room. Manuel was a funny little Mexican, pudgy and bossy. Whenever you gave him a
direction or a time out or generally said something he didn’t like, he would respond with,
”I don’t HAVE TO! I’m gonna TELL! Then you’re going to JAIL! Cuz I’m gonna call the
COPS! And then they’re gonna SHOOT YOU! Because I know the number to Nine one ONE!”
He was so authoritative, fat and pompous about it that I nicknamed him “El Presidente.”
Mel led him by the collar and handed him off to Guru who was standing by the Quiet Room
door, holding the lock so that the 5 or so other residents could not come out. As Guru took hold
of El Presidente, and as Mel left the area, some of the boys in the Quiet Room
managed to push the door partially open. Instinctively, Guru pushed the door,
and El Presidente into it. This action scraped El Presidente’s face against the door.
El Presidente was yelling at Guru,
”You’re gonna go to JAIL! I’m gonna tell on your ABUSE! My dad’s gonna come here
and SHOOT YOU!”
On the other side of the house, I saw Candace emerge from the staff office, arms folded,
and walk out to her car. Mike came out after her and told me, “I already called for back-up so
there will be more staff here soon. What do you need me to do?”
I said, “Go help out Guru. He’s got too many kids in the quiet room and he’s by himself.
Mel and I will watch the floor.”
It took about an hour and a half for the house to calm down. Even then, there was a tenuous
and uncomfortable sexualized feeling in the house. Candace never came back.
After lunch, I took most of the boys out onto the back porch to play basketball.
Every now and then I would glance inside to see what was going on. At one point, I saw El
Presidente on the phone. I figured that he had gotten permission from another staff to call
his family. As it turned out, all of us staff had thought the same thing, wrongly.
In a few minutes, a sheriff’s car pulled up to our house. The deputy knocked on the door
and said, “Is there a staff here named Guru? May I talk to him please?”
El Presidente had called 911 and said Guru had hit him and thrown him on the floor. El
Presidente had scrapes on his face to “prove” it. Although Guru had explained to the deputy
what had happened, technically the intervention was illegal because Guru was handling the kid
by himself. After interviews were conducted, Administrative staff called to the house and El
Presidente immediately transferred out of our agency and into a temporary shelter, Guru was
put on Administrative leave. I can’t tell you how difficult it is to lose a seasoned staff member
like that. Maybe the only thing harder is to dispel the belief in the residents that all staff
are abusive.
Two weeks later, Guru had been transferred to the “transition house,” the house for
17 and 18 year olds whose programs do not require hands-on. If they act up, you just
evacuate the house and call the sheriff. I ran into Guru not long after he had been
put out to pasture.
”Guru, I’m really sorry about what happened. When the whole house is blowing out like
that, it’s just impossible to go by the book.”
Guru was philosophical. “I’ve been here 17 years, I may be here 17 more. This is what
I was born to do, and I’ll keep on doing it as long as I’m able.” He pushed out his eyes for
effect, took a long draw on his cigarette and stared out into the distance. I had to wonder if
Guru was thinking the same thing as me. How could we have all been so stupid as to let
El Presidente and a staff named Candace who had been here for all of 2 minutes mess up
the career of a dedicated staff who had been here for 17 years?
